The way they say for a married couple, the newly "wed". May be all the wedding thingy starts with falling in love and finding a perfect partner with whom you can spend all your life with. But how does "falling in love" starts with? That's the question I have never got a proper answer, after being twenty one years old and literally passing my teenage years doing nothing!
I did try asking my friends; different categories of friends like those who are in love, been in love and also those who have never been in love at all. And the intriguing concept that came along with the distinct discussions was "crush". I have never understood the concept of “crush” may be because different people have different definitions and experiences of their own crushes or may b because I never had a crush on anyone, until now I guess.
So after twenty one years when I realized that it's high time I start living my life the way I want to and start enjoying it, these unavoidable feelings started to arise inside me. For the very first time in my life I felt something new, something unusual and something genuine.
I felt like I am flying up high in the dark cloudy sky with my eyes closed. I watched as the twilight descended and the ambient felt silent. Gradually, I could feel the tremors and I shuddered guilelessly. But then there was someone, someone always by my side comforting me. If I inclined a bit, someone also inclined a bit towards me. I didn't feel the need of opening my eyes and come back to reality. And for the first time I felt that I don't want to reach back home because I was safe even in the midst of relatively turbulent conditions.
I have always considered myself being responsible and caring towards my friends as if I am the only liable person with them. But it's a delight to be on the other side, welcoming the huge amount of care. I was being ingenuous and falling for the meticulosity.
There were other moments also, when I was struggling back and forth, left and right. But he took hold of me and made me stable. And I started experiencing a jubilant journey. It's prodigious that the existence of one person can start changing the meaning of your life. And when the realization struck that this is how I want to spend my entire life, he had to leave.
When I was still in my dreams, he got up and untangled himself from his hold. The touch of his fingers on my cheek bespoke for his reluctance from getting apart. But he had to leave, to drive on his road ahead. He had to drop me because I have chosen a different direction.
We keep crossing roads once in a while, but there is a wall between us. Though we can see ourselves through the wall, it's still a rock solid wall. Instead of being close enough, the wall separates us implicitly. We can stay in touch, touch each other's hearts but cannot feel the actual touch. May be something that gets crushed down or crushes you down is nothing but a “crush”. And here I am, the newly “crush”ed.
